Peace

Saturday, August 04, 2007

well its been one heck of a week. thought i blog some things..

sweet penance for a sound

well i m glad to say the week has been pretty well used. well used in the sense that i managed to get a fair bit of revision done. well its still a long way to go, but i guess if u end school at abt 6 everyday, doesnt really leave u with much breathing space. oh i caught simpsons, HAHAHAAHAHA. i shallnt spoil the movie for u all but if anybody wants to watch it tell me ok? i dont mind re-watching it. hahaha.

been pretty tied up the entire week squeezing revision into my train rides, cutting back on breaks and lunch times to catch up on revision, well meet mugger me. yet the worse part is that it all seems insufficient and inadequate.

it wont hurt half as much, i beg of you to tell me something

i realised that after slowing the engine down a lil, catch up on some sleep, slack a lil, that i ve hadnt really had time to think things out like i usually do this week. well, that resulted in the week passing by pretty quickly, without u know much happening. but getting back into a sort of contemplative mood, i am like, damn.

when you see the joy in her eyes

i thought about old friends. chanced upon some old secondary school photos, and damn. i miss secondary school life. of cos that led me into wondering what i m gonna do with my life. the A's are coming but will be gone in no time. the break after A's seem all ready to spring out, got so many things i plan to do. ns will soon call and well thats gonna be another 2 years. God willing i ll be able to go to Uni (well if not i m pretty screwed but i ll talk about that some other time). coming out of that's gonna take me till i m probably like 23? i m like ********, damn i m old.

had a conversation with my bro sometime in the week, was talking abt how we re(as in the brothers in the family) are all growing up. (this conversation came up when we noticed our older brother spending more time outside and on the phone*rolls eyes*). you know the idea about your brother getting married, moving out, having kids. i mean being at a wedding of your OWN brother!! the thought's pretty weird. one glance back and the three of us were still cramming into one small room trying to get as much time out of the playstation. time flies.

pah lent me a book when i went of consultation on friday. well its really a VERY good book for gp. tonnes of content, insightful arguments, well now i know where she's been getting all her material to teach. i m almost done with the book, few pages left, and i realised so many things are happening, i mean like worldwide. you know, i always like to think, just imagine, u re going out to meet some friends in town, u re waiting for your friends at the mrt cos they are always late. u know there are like hundreds of people who pass u by, and u just stop to wonder u know, each one of them have (probably) totally different lives, all have a certain set of problems, things to think about, u know the whole complexity to human life and behavior. anyway, about the book, it was pretty critical towards the US government, but facts if u ask me. and it just seems the whole world is just driving itself to destruction.

which really kinda puts my life (as mentioned earlier) into some perspective.
if the world is gonna be hitting the 400 ppm CO2 limit by 2010, which implies well global warming^x, where x is large,
fossil fuel is dying out, with everybody trying to get more influence in the Persian gulf region causing huge instability in a already unstable region,
the nuclear arms race picking up even by more countries including potentials like india and china,
the US starting a preparing for potential military advantage with its development in space,
marginalization of global economies creating more unrest and making terrorism a whole lot easier to happen,
well basically the whole list goes on, i would pretty much bore u to death if i havent already done so.
if all these are gonna be happening in the next 5-20 years? thats gonna be when i m like 20+ 30? i m like crap, thats probably gonna eat right into the 'prime' of my life! things in the world are gonna change alot. i m trying to be optimistic abt the whole idea, but the facts are just too, too real. tension's gonna be building, everyone is preparing for a war that will probably only happen because they are preparing for it so hard. (if u get that sentence). the lack of political will is just, damn. and i m here wondering what i wanna do with my life. how apt.

u know with all those thoughts in mind, kinda makes u feel insignificant eh? i mean the whole idea of Education kinda looks small from this perspective. hell there's probably gonna be 7million scholars from china and india and another 40k from singapore, most of which i m pretty sure is gonna be more intectually brilliant and capable of great stuff. makes u feel kinda of shitty but hey man, hello earth.

so whats gonna set me apart from the other 7million+ graduates (if i do get to graduate) ? beats me. in fact its really starting to worry me. of cos i could just be mediocre, i dont wanna wish life was a dream cos it isn't .

and the beauty of it all, is that You've got it all planned out. admist all the uncertainty in life, the imminent possibility that the world's gonna crack some day, all planned out.

well its been a pretty long post now. its nice when you see so much more in life, when u see life from a bigger perspective and u can actually appreciate that perspective.

well i ll stop here for now. maybe when i got more time to think thru things i ll blog again.

you know its not so easy.
12 days gone by since i saw you last,
i ll give this one more try,
i ll give it all my best.
and i ll ask
what could you be doing that is so much fun,
without me by your side.
and i ll take a step back,
and let you ahead,
i will take a step away and see if u come back.
cos there's no more trying to make this so right,
no more trying tonight
we will never be the same.
taken from early november -sunday drive
i always liked this song.

[ Peace out! ]
at10:38 PM

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