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anyway, i just went for my last run before xcountry. i did about 5km. it was terrible man. 1. my legs felt really stiff 2. my mouth was extremely dry. i mean even before the run. of cos i could drink, and i did. but i couldnt take too much if not later more problems. so tat was bad. 3. AND I NEEDED TO USE TO TOLIET DURING THE RUN!. ok i dint go but it was quite uncomfortable holding it there. yea hopefully on sat with proper nutrition+warm ups+hot water+err, mental preps things will turn out better. although i still have to figure out the stiff legs part. haha. anyway, this will probably be the last time i blog till after my econs paper tmr. which isnt very long but. hmmm ok i dont know what i m thinking too. i really need to use my time wisely today. theres a lot of mugging to do for tmr's two killer papers. great eh. the songs joyce sent me were really encouraging! brought much JOY to my heart. lol. sorry la. her name is just very pun-da-ble. maybe sometime when i ve got time i ll post the lyrics. ok today's clb paper, i dont really care. funny thing is that i might just fail ok. lol. i really think i m screwed for tmrs chem+econs. dang. 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' think it thru. alright wish me luck people! i ll catch you all after the ct. [ Peace out! ] at9:07 AM Tuesday, January 30, 2007 well i had my maths paper in the morning, tmr's clb and thurs is chem and econs. so kinda feeling a lil less pressure now. tmr's paper is like go school mark attendence nia-.- maths today wasnt THAT bad i THINK. i could do more of the paper then i expected, although i got owned at the intergration application question. lol. I M SUPER HAPPY I GOT A SOLUTION FOR THE LAST VECTOR QUESTION PART! i just hope its correct-.- it took a lot of thinking ok. anyway, i guess maths felt a lot better then physics. physics owned the crap out of me man. the last 2 questions, which is worth about half the marks of the entire paper, I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO CAN? yea which means i ll probably like 90% fail physics. great. well thats about the updates i have RE common test. i think i m gonna fail chem too. organic has ALOT to memories. right. anyhow. i went for a cycle just now. i mean since i m not suppose to do intensive running(actually just running), i decided to go for a ride instead. so i went to do some exploring. THE STUPID SPEEDO WASNT WORKING! so well i couldnt tell how fast i was averaging but most importanly, couldnt clock the distance i was covering. zzz. so i went to explore some places, got a lil lost, but thankfully i managed to get back to some familar places. i think i did about 15km? maybe less i think. its was MUCH shorter then i expected it to be though. i was hoping it could give a lil more kick, its like when i reach my destination(about the halfway mark) i wasnt even persiring la-.- doo. i guess the challenge today was more of the resistance i was facing. there was ALOT of wind resistance. its wasnt too sunny so i guess it wasnt so bad. but the wind was terrible man. well nothing interesting really happened along the ride i guess. maybe i ll still go for a run later.. random thoughts . the urge to play badminton is subsiding . i miss my bball training . i m worried about x country zz . i m worried about _____ . i realised the 100plus i ve been drinking taste funny. i dont know it has this somewhat stale taste-.- . i was reading liz's and shiping's blog and i realised my name appeared on BOTH blogs about my roman empire. great eh? i m gonna be so famous. . which reminds me, i need to update my links.. . and also i think i might wanna change my blogskin sometime next week. see how. . i still need to get new clothes and new shoes. . i need to trust a lot more, i seem to be losing my optimism into pessimism more and more. . POP? HAHA. ok that was for the erebus people. . when i stand with this distance away, and i look at the things happening around me, and i look deep inside myself, i realise the irony in my life, and why i feel the way i feel. stupid right? i wonder to myself sometimes why i even bother to look from that distance and make things so jumbled up. . i need more chocolate. ok that was really quite random. i shall need to go do some packing and studying already. great life eh? yea we'll learn to live with it. take care people rmb to tag!
[ Peace out! ] i just hope(hopefully not a foolish hope) that things will work out. just fine. hopefully. that i wont end up here like an idiot. damn. -
[ Peace out! ] ok since its like friday night, i shall make a entry about some stuff.. the week of school has been quite an experience. i realised that jc2 life is really something thats been opening my eyes and all. each week comes with different challenges and demands. new lessons. new outcomes. its really quite a challenge. i m gonna need to spend a lil more time on my reflections. need to get some stuff done. hmmm. bball training today was quite fun. although there was a miserable 4jc2 guys. which is really dumb. the strength coach came in today. did some running drills. wah really quite shag. but i think it was good. i think the whole ice-ing and lifepak thingy has been helping on the shin splint. dint hurt too much today. on that note, actually i m super worried about cross country. later cannot get top 30 i will tear hair sia. i mean i ve been training pretty hard for it. but all the soccer guys are running la-.- stupid. they go there spoil market nia. i hope my leg gets ALOT better in the next few days. gonna be pushing myself a bit. so... man its really hard sometimes. to be able to trust without being able to see. sometimes i wanna feel special too you know? ok emo quota reached. lol wanna know more? ask lor. haha ok take care pple. common test here we go.
[ Peace out! ] gp common test today was just gay. the passage was relatively straight forward but the questions were just, gay. hopefully i ll be able to scrape thru it.. i m worried about my legs. i just went to visit my therapist, tells me i shld take a break from my training for awhile. but i cant, i mean i need to improve, and X country is just NEXT WEEK CAN! no time no time. i realised my previous post have still been pretty emo. so i ve decided to withhold onto that. its not really very healthy. anyhows, i realised that its alot of my own prespective. i shouldnt think about things that would get me down, things that would make my mind run(not to say be ignorant). questions like'what could you be doing that is so much fun, without me by your side'. instead, i ve deceided that i should try to look at things more optimistically, that at least be thankful for the time our paths crossed. hours spent laughing and just enjoying ourselves. that whatever happens, this will be the memory that you will leave. so emo already goodness stop it. so yea, be thankful for the happy and good times. i m getting worried about my common tests. its up next week. i told jenny, ''things are straight in my mind, but in actual fact its fucking curly'. so yea focus. mu!. i ll stop here for now. take care people.
[ Peace out! ] i think this year can already but summarise into a word, i wished that word could be 'focus' but i think 'difficulties' would be a better word at this time. random thoughts 1. i still wanna play badminton 2. i was pretty distracted today. not good. 3. a challenge to walk this line. 4. need to spend some time reflecting for sss1 blog post. 5. so if things are mutual shldnt everyone be playing a part? thats why its mutual right? 6. i still wanna run. 6a. my shin splint is really getting to me, gonna have to see auntie esther soon. 7. was thinking about what someone said, how people read blogs and wanna know more about whats going thru the blogger's mind, i think its quite true. then i wonder why i blog in circles and generic terms so that people would probably be too lazy to figure out what i m talking about. hmmm. 8. terms are coming. damn. i need to get my thoughts straightened. 9. its never easy to let go, like in my previous post. but hey, its a good gauge. 10. bball training is gonna be colliding with my terms revisions. so how? 11. i m thinking about changing my blogskin. i saw this pretty cool skin on blogskins.com last night. so yea.. 12. sometimes i wonder if you re doing this on purpose just to spike me. 13. i wonder if what i said is actually gonna come true. its amazing how people work. like some people say, 'better watch what u wish for, u might just get it'. its been some fluntuating shit. higher ground. stable ground. i read peh's blog, and saw some stuff which gave some inspiration. haha. note to self. never ever ever ever let anyone play with your mind like this again. and this invisible line is just gonna keep growing and growing. and i know its gonna keep spacing, and yet i know i m gonna have to tell myself that i m strong enough and pretend everything's gonna be ok. to pretend that there is some bottemless pit in my heart to suck in all these fears and tears, to accept that your heart is so big that its making u gasp for breath. and so i ll keep telling myself i m alright, tell it to myself a zillion times, when i m on the bus, lying on my bed, running, that i m gonna be strong, that peace will come. that with each burden it ll get easier. sometimes the irony it all makes me laugh, of how u could be the most lonely admist the crowd of friends, except i dont. and just maybe someday, someday u ll look back and understand, understand that damn, i miss you.
[ Peace out! ] i came up with a new word! emophile! HAHA. ok to those who dont get it, its suppose t be electrophile/nucleophile from chemistry. but seeing that alot of pple are getting more and more emo, the word just pop up!. ok random. anyhows, i m thankful for getting my thoughts straightened. its never easy to walk this road, and it never will be. but 2cor 12:9 puts it very nicely 'my grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness'. its really nice, but sometimes the shortsightness of us humans is we fail to see beyond the present, limiting ourselves to even limiting God. which makes it really difficult sometimes. so i m gonna continue walking this line. to seek ye first God's Kingdom. ok i think i ll stop for that on that note, later get very messy. haha. anyways. some thoughts of past(makes me sound so old-.-) came arnd to visit. i rmbed this phrase i used to say to myself alot, 'if you love something, set it free, if it comes back, then its truely yours, if it doesnt, then it was never yours.' circular wisdom has its ways with people i guess. but its really quite true and meaningful.. alright thats all thats on my head now, so yeap, tag ok people? haha. see you all around.
[ Peace out! ] anyhow was reading abit of Job last night, i guess this verse was really nice. 'Naked i came from my mother's womb. And naked shall i return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.' Job 1:21 i guess its really a challenge to walk with such faith, to rejoice in the lord admist such trying times. admist these challenges to still be able to praise His name.. another song was in my head today, that comforted quite abit. its called My father's love The world's wealth and riches, can be bought and sold, but i possess a treasure far greater then gold. twas a gift, pass down to me from heaven above, twas the gift, of my Father's love. and my father's love, is strong and true. always believing, always seeing me thru. so no matter what happens, in his grand design. i ll be fine, with my father's love... safe and secure now in his love alone. i find here my place of worth as one of his own. and i dont need everything this world wants to give, cos i live, with my father's love.. and my father's love is strong and true. always believing always seeing me thru. so no matter what happens, in this grand design.............. i ll be fine, with my father's love, my father's love i have my father's...... love. i have my father's love. so touching. haiyo. haha well thats all i m blog about for today.! take care pple. =D
[ Peace out! ] i realised that my previous post was quite emo. so i shall quickly make an update so that its not the first thing u see =D anyhows. to make a small link to things, i am feeling lots better now. its all in the head i tell you. at the end of last year and beginning this year, i made my 'resolution' to walk closer to God, to follow Him. to lead a stronger Christian life. the word i choose was 'focus' i sort of thought out that 07 would be avery challenging year, with the A's coming, and i sort of had a feeling that was gonna be a lot of challenges for me. alot of things would distract me. so focus. turned out that within the first month of the year, i m already starting to struggle. i guess last night was one of the peaks for that. thank God i feel better now. the verse that got me sane again was one of my favourites, Isaiah 40:8, ' The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever.' i guess it got me back, to stay focused, simply because we ought to seek something so much more. its gonna be a challenge. anyhow school was pretty tiring, i was slipping a lil in and out of lectures. have to figure something out for that. maybe i ll get some sweets or something. my work is starting to get a LIL more managable i guess. although i still have tonnes of it left. but i guess it shldnt be that bad. PE ROCKS. haha. always a lesson to look forward to. we did our 2.4 today. man i shld be doing so much better. nvm still have another bout 5 weeks. so here we go again! yeap i guess thats it for now. rmb to tag pple!
[ Peace out! ] the weekend was great. inspiring and enriching as always. but its always a challenge to take it beyond just being an inspiration and experience. to let it indwell. anyhow day1 of school of the new work was pretty much ok. i managed to finish most of my work so it wasnt that bad. was pretty much ahead of the class except for the physics part, cos i really cant understand how that shit works man. bball training was great. although we trained only for like 2hours or arnd there, we managed to get some solid work moving.. we started off with warm up running, i was surprised i could get the rounds done pretty easily, went for about 20minutes continuous and covered abt 10 rounds ba. the rivera was abit on so yea... the rain came in and that was pretty demoralising, but thankfully it stopped and we managed to get onto some serious court working. it was damn shag la, but damn shiok. went for dinner aft that then headed home.. it was quite bad so i went for a run. needed to clear my thoughts and get things straightened in my head. i guess i pushed myself quite abit.. i planned to do about 3km, but aft when i was approaching the 3km mark i guess it dint feel strong enough so i headed off for 3.5km. felt great. i think i was practically running the entire time. my body will probably kill me tmr for pushing myself so hard. but man i needed that... somehow i think my body will just fall sick sometime, but its amazing the limits i can push this shit to. haha. anyhows. i realised it was really starry tonight, reminds me of special things. special things.. Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear make me smile again.
[ Peace out! ] you re walking a path that i know i cant follow. and it kills me inside to know i cant. but somehow i m gonna have to find strength to push on.
[ Peace out! ] i dint want to blog down these thoughts, cause i thought its really unhealthy, but i guess its worth blogging. its never easy to walk this road. when everything in your body, every cell and organism with logic of this world tells you this, but u know, u have to do otherwise. its SO hard to tear myself away from these things. its so hard to accept truths and circumstances that challenge the very person in you. what would you do if u knew everything, how things would be and all, but yet be unable to change it however negative and lifechanging it may be? but i thank God. for grace. for grace and his provision of strength, for without it, i think i would have left this world a long time ago. and still now his grace holds me. a song we sang in ypg sometime back still comes to mind, and i think it sums up pretty adaquately. Thank you Lord, for the trials that come my way, in that way i can grow each day, as i let you lead. And Thank you Lord, for the patience those trials bring in that process of growing i can learn to care. But it goes against the way i am to put my human nature down and let the Spirit take control of all i do. Cause when those trials come my human nature shouts the thing to do And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored. Thank you Lord with each trial i feel inside that you re there to help lead and guide me away from wrong. Cause you promised Lord that with every testing that your way of escaping is easier to bear But it goes against the way i am to out my human nature down and let the Spirit take control of all i do Cause when those trials come my human nature shouts the thing to do And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored. I thank you Lord for the victory that growing brings in Surrender of everything life is so worth while And i Thank you Lord, that when everything's put in place out in front i can see your face and its there you belong. its a really nice song. hopefully, someday i ll be able to express myself like how the song writter in the last part of it. In victory. well thats all i have for today. i better get some work done. take care people.
[ Peace out! ] orientation,.. HAHA! MISSION ACCOMPLISH. ORIENTATION WAS A SMASHING SUCESS! thank God everything,(well at least in totality) everything turned out fine. the freshman were gearing up with enthusiam, the cheers were moving along, although i was starting to lose my voice, its was SWELL! fusion night was smashing, although i think the ogl camp one was better, but still rocking. aft orientation we headed down to kovan mac to hang arnd. i tell u, everyone was just super high la. haha it was super great fun. i m glad that somehow, the orientation worked. haha. anyway, orientation aside, its time for serious work already. i just finished(well not exactly completed, but all attempted) three stupid maths promos papers. been rushing them since i got home from church last afternoon. and i m glad that i ve finally completed the stuff i have to complete for tmr. or at least except the physics. i guess i could read up on that later today. anyway i think this week is gonna be really intensive, physically, mentally emotionally and spiritually. just hope that i ll be able to make it thru this week. well. i shld go get some rest soon. its getting pretty late already. so yeap, takecare pple and goodnights!=D
[ Peace out! ] well the first 2 days of orientation is over. and i m feeling really drained. well not really really drained but its starting to get to me. my voice is starting to go away. hopefully it'll last till the end of orientation tmr. anyway heres how've its been... first day of orientation. On like 2and1/2 hours of sleep, i went down to sku damn early, had to do preps to receive the freshman. so well the first day erebus was SUPER DEAD OK. i mean seriously no enthusiam or anything. individually i think at the end of the day my group made a fair bit of progress. but man, the grp A families were SUPER ON lor. it kinda gets you down sometimes when freshman dont absorb the enthusiam u display. i mean i definately was super on on the first day. lucky for me it did spread to some of my OG pple. which is still quite bad, cos the og in general is still pretty tired. oh and when the whole erebus family comes together and cheer, its really really_________________. i seriously think when individual OG's cheer its better. second day of orientation got a lil better. the cheers started to get loud. pple were breaking the shyness, the PLs were getting a lil more active, although they still have lots to learn. BUT STILL, that sense of energy is not there, and it gets really hard sometimes, when i look arnd erebus, i mean the OGLs are great and all, but somehow its lacking that burst, that energy that like argo is displaying. i mean demeter is really enthu, but thats only because their OFL is super on. argo is more of spontaneous sort of enthu. WHICH is what is what makes orientation FUN! just hopefully come tmr the whole grp of pple can start to overcome the shyness. they are generally willing to participate but still lacking that enthu sort of thing. its tiring. i need to find so much more strength. i need to work a new way. i need to do something. but i am already doing-.- hoping things will work out tmr just aint good enough, man. i need to get this together. orientation must be FUN!
[ Peace out! ] hindsight of 2006, well it has been one, interesting year. 2004 probably marked the year my life changed the most in just abt everyway, but i would 2006 is pretty life changing as well. wont really go into the details but if u really wanna know, ask me! haha. well since i havent updated in awhile i ll just give a brief rundown on whats been happening. ytd was the last the day of the, and i pretty much spent the whole day in church. haha. well if u guys are thinking my church so on whole day service, well not really la. so heres what happened. we had sss as usual in the morning. they took the passage from 2 tim 4:7. i was initially quite cycnical. i have no idea why, but it ended up that the whole session was really enriching. gave a real good sense of renewal and zest for the new year. oh and the song item they gave was really good too. well sss was followed by our service, which was also another heartwarming session. and they sang O holy lamb of God. wow. haha thats all i can say abt it. so when that was over it was abt 12. we had a short brief on clean protocol in 07, which was followed by lunch. after lunch i did the 4th floor clean up for the last time in 07. when that was done, well it was arnd 3. i had till 8 to wait(down memory lane service) dint wanna go home cos i had work to do, and i can at least study in church. where its quiet and without distractions. well peh and most of the batch pple who were still arnd in church went to town. which was really. zzz. i mean of course i wanted to go, but dang. i guess i had to study. at least i m more or less done with my organic chem revision+tutorials. so dml came arnd. i think it was the longest service i ever had. haha. it was abt 2hours15min. but it hardly felt that long. the time of singing and well just reflecting on 06 was enriching once again. i ll have to rmb these thoughts now. post dml was followed with my dinner, they had teo-chew food. spreads and spreads of it man. oh and the sweet veggies were SUPER SAlTY LA. cannot tahan man. i had my countdown in church at the lift lobby-.- it was initially supposed to be at rooftop, but i guess we miss the Q.-.- well it was fun anyway. aft that my family and i went down to east coast for some supper. i was pretty tired by that time. felt pretty boggy already. well when i got home i pretty much slpt thru. so thats 31st dec 06 for u all! first few random thoughts for 2007. a. i need to complete my homework. and i need someone to help me PLEASE print two maths papers for me. if anyone is willinging to do so please tell me ok. i ll drop by your place to collect it. b. i wanna go watch movie. anyone interested? haha. c. i miss my bball trainings. badly. d. i have so many things i wanna do for the new year, i m afraid i wont keep to them and might just forget them-.- but i ll try. e. my a levels are coming THIS YEAR. *mindblowing* f. badminton anyone? g. cycling anyone? i wanna go. h. i need to stay very focused. very. i. i still need to restring my guitar. but first i gotta find my polish cloth-.- (seems no link right? well cause i wanna polish my guitar before i restring it again. its basically easier to polish it without the strings) j. i realised that my brain is really rusty, i had to think of what was coming after 'i'. k. can anyone teach me chem/maths? within the next two days-.- my organic has some dying questions to ask, and i think my maths is pretty rusty to do my homework. well thats pretty much it. i ll keep in tune. yup takecare and tag ya! haha.
[ Peace out! ]
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